going through documents on my old hard-drive, I found this. Funny how whenever my mind runs across this dude, I find something to pull me back to reality. Can’t say that I don’t miss him though.

Dear Keith,

 This will be my final goodbye.  I don’t have enough words to explain this bittersweet ending to the chapters that were us. Sometimes, lately, my thoughts, my dreams, have run across your image.. A helpless reminder of what once was. A love now lost.

Dear Keith,

I can say that I’m truly happy. After us, I never once thought I would never believe in love again. What was once a disgusting four letter word, which always gets spit on, with one’s heart always broken, has now turned into the only definition of what I feel when I hear his voice, see his smile, hear his name. Love has found me once more, and it’s surely holding on.

Dear Keith,

You told me, you’re starting a family. Doing right for your child, and her. In the beginning, I had bits and pieces of jealousy surfacing. At 16, I was pregnant with your child, and you wanted nothing to do with me. At 16, I learned what hate, loneliness, and desperation was. At 16, you made me grow up, too fast for my years. However, I’m not bitter. You showed me what it was to count on myself.

Dear Keith,

We were together for so long, with so many memories to share. Surprisingly, it’s more bad than good that always comes to mind. I loved and hated you. I was the controller and the controllee. How would both ever be possible? Not even I know. My family hated you, your family disapproved of me. Our fast young love was immediately doomed. We never gave up, even when we knew it would be better for us.

Dear Keith,

I knew we could never be, anymore, after I fell for him. After you fell for her. Whatever was holding us together, fell apart, and attached to other people. As impatient you are, you cheated, and I never forgave you. You broke my heart. However, I picked up the pieces, and started anew. I forgive you now. For the hurt, and the lies. The sadness, and the cuts you added to the many scars. I’m trying to forgive you for everything. To move on from everything that once was.

Dear Keith,

One day, I hope we can be the friends we once were. You understood me, when I was at my most erratic. When even my own thoughts made very little sense to me, you made it astonishingly clear. Will there ever be a time when I can call you for friendly advice? Will there ever be a time when I can say “Yeah, that’s Keith. He was my first love, but we’re super awesome friends now.” One can only hope, right? Think that really only happens in the movies..

Dear Keith,

This has to be the final goodbye. For me to love him fully.. I need to let you go.. For good. The memories of what once was. The love that will never return. Because, at this very moment, for the past couple of years, I have loved him, more than my own heart can hold. And I’m sure there will be even more, once I move on.

Dear Keith,

I finally deleted all sources of contact. My number hasn’t, nor will not change. Neither will my email. Maybe in a couple of months, years, whatever.. we can see how the friendship thing goes.

Dear Keith,

I wish you all the happiness you can conjure up.

Yours Truly,

Ivana